Daily Musings

berryhealthy: tone it up | arm routine * recommend doing it 2-3...

Fri, 03 May 2013 04:15:47 -0400

tone it up | arm routine
* recommend doing it 2-3 times per week
* 3 rounds, 10 reps of each move

❤

Sometimes I find myself so sick of who I’ve let myself become. I love, so much, in a world...

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 13:30:46 -0400

Sometimes I find myself so sick of who I’ve let myself become. I love, so much, in a world where countless people have given up on the concept. Not just in relationships, but in countless friendships I go above and beyond to make every single person happy. When I mess up, I don’t defend myself even though accidents happen, I apologize a trillion times over and do whatever I can to make up for it. I text and call and message and try to keep in touch with every single person that I care about, and half the time - no response. And that’s okay, busy lives etc etc, and yet I’m the first one to rush to the phone as soon as someone gone MIA for months decides they just want to talk. Someone asks for a favor and I do it. Someone asks for advice, and even if they aren’t going to take it, I give it. Someone’s mad at me? I sit up all night worrying about it, thinking about how to fix it, make it right etc and they get a full nights sleep. I’m mad at or upset with someone? They say sorry and all is forgiven and forgotten, not because you earned the right to be forgiven- but because for some reason I think you deserve a trillion chances, regardless of how many I’m given in return. I care and I care and I care some more, I drive four hours and spend hundreds of dollars to see you for one day, I end up in the back seat of a car with some crazy dude and a knife so you can make a quick buck, I follow you all over town doing what you want to do, and when my idea “sucks” even though you agreed to it- I drive all over town to make you happy again, I wait weeks for you to pay me back- I pay you back the next day, I say no, you do something anyways, and I cover for you. I have been walked all over and kicked while I’m down, and the worst part of all of it? I’m not changing any time soon. - Some girl on the internet (Ashlee Erwin)

I wonder if this is who I am. I suppose I woudn’t spend that much money, but other than that I feel like this is what I’ve become. I am the one who gets shit on. It will always be me. And, no matter what, I will also be the one to apologize at the end. Even if I’m the one who was clearly wronged.
The worst part really is this last sentence. I honestly don’t see change in my near future.

Oh my goodness. I just want to be a doctor. I honestly feel like things shouldn’t be so...

Sun, 09 Dec 2012 06:28:06 -0500

Oh my goodness.

I just want to be a doctor. I honestly feel like things shouldn’t be so confusing. I just want to get through college, go to medical school, become a doctor, and have a family.

It seems so easy when you type it all out like that, but it’s so complicated as I sit here studying for my chem final and trying to figure out what I want to do with my life/major/everything.

I have no idea what the right thing for me to do is.

Vomit.

PS Mike told me he applied to the seminary. It didn’t make my life choices any easier.

Some people make me nauseous. Just kidding, but I actually can’t stand the people who are all...

Mon, 03 Dec 2012 01:57:28 -0500

Some people make me nauseous.

Just kidding, but I actually can’t stand the people who are all about the awk pda or (even worse) the people who don’t even do the whole pda shit but instead just like say they’re in love and all that bull shit even though they just met each other and haven’t gone through anything. Vomit.

This is college. Grow up.

Holy cow.I’ve been in college for a little over two months now. I’m not sure if this is...

Fri, 02 Nov 2012 19:43:56 -0400

Holy cow.

I’ve been in college for a little over two months now. I’m not sure if this is how I thought it would turn out, but I’m so glad it is what it is. I have a fantastic roomate and and awesome two suitemates who are both different, but great in their own ways. I’m totally wrecking every test and I’ve gotten really involved in RHA and hall council.

I’m not really sure where I am emotionally. I think I really expected to find someone right away when I got here, but it is becoming more and more apparent that the whole finding love at first sight thing is not actually going to happen.

That being said, I’m working a lot on my self confidence which is actually really easy here as I’ve been losing weight because I hate the food and I really feel like I’m thriving because it’s not too hard and I’m having fun while I learn.

Right now I’m working towards getting an internship with this woman named Dr. Armstrong and I’m also hopefully going to be an RA next year. I can’t wait to go on the semester at sea trip this summer and I’m really excited to go back and see my family for a few days over thanksgiving.

I’m actually really happy :). I don’t exactly know what I want to be yet, but things have been working out pretty well for me right now. I can’t wait to see what happens in the next three years.

This is exciting :D.

<3

Today is my last day in Herndon. Well, actually, that’s not completely true. I’m not...

Wed, 15 Aug 2012 09:39:08 -0400

Today is my last day in Herndon.
Well, actually, that’s not completely true. I’m not leaving till 6:00 am on the 17th and today is the 15th, but I’ll be going to the beach tomorrow so I’m going to count this as the last day.

I think I’m going to go to the gym with Kyle one last time, visit the pride of Herndon, go to youth group one last time, and then have a good night sleep in my now empty room.

I can’t even believe that this part of my life is coming to an end, but I’m so glad I got to finish it the way I did. This has been the best summer of my life and I can’t wait to see what comes next. I just read through all my blog posts and I’ve changed so much this past year. Right now I am really and truly happy for what seems like the first time since freshmen year and for once I am sincerely optimistic for my future.

I can’t wait to find love, to become a doctor, to have a family of my own, and to find my purpose. Of course, there is a part of me that is terrified, but the rest of me is so very excited for everything in front of me.

GO BULLS! :D

Oh gosh. I only have eleven days left.I am so scared. It’s slowly hitting me that I’m...

Mon, 06 Aug 2012 15:43:00 -0400

Oh gosh. I only have eleven days left.
I am so scared.
It’s slowly hitting me that I’m about to leave my whole life behind. None of my friends are coming with me and, of course, neither is my family. For the first time I’m going to be really and truly alone and I don’t know how it is going to go.
That being said, I’m ready. I can’t wait to face my fears and to finally move on with my life. I have so much planned for myself and so many things that I want to accomplish. Now I’m just poised and ready for the chance to do it. I know that it’s rather pretentious to believe that I have any semblance of an idea as to where my life will go in the next four years, but I’m confident that USF will afford me all the opportunities I’ll need to do something amazing.
After my week at workcamp I’ve been really working towards getting my faith back on track and it has really helped to cement my belief that everything happens for a reason and that everyone is here for a reason. I think that there is something that I am meant to do in this life and I can’t wait to figure out what it is.
Right now, I really want to be a doctor, but who knows what’s going to happen. All I know is that I am going to dive into every opportunity I am given. I am going to really put myself out there these next four years in the hope that I will eventually be able to reap the rewards.
I can’t wait for the future. I’ve worked damn hard to get where I am right now and I’m going to continue working just as hard in the hopes that things can keep going as well as they are now.
As I said when I very first started this blog however many moths ago: here’s to ambition :).
GO BULLS!

Last night was TJ prom 2012 and had I stayed up at night...

Sun, 10 Jun 2012 21:13:00 -0400

Last night was TJ prom 2012 and had I stayed up at night wishing, praying, and dreaming of the best prom night I could fathom it still would have paled in comparison to the night I actually had. I am one hundred percent completely and totally infatuated with Christopher Rom and I cannot wait for every future second that we spend together. I know from the outside it may have seemed as if our night was doomed to fail as our night had been planed out to the letter and we were going to a monopoly “no sexy times” after party, but it was anything but a failure.
I really think the reason that it went so well is because I am so comfortable with Chris. I love spending time with him and little by little it’s becoming easier to let him get close. I have a pile of body insecurities that still occasionally holds me back, but it’s getting a little easier every day. I feel like a lot of people are all talk, but he really seems to like me for me and seems to be pretty attracted to me. Lord (and Taylor) knows I’m attracted to him ;).
We spent the entire night together for the first time and it was everything I could have hoped for. We spent the beginning of the night hanging out with the other people from the group and even playing apples to apples :p, but then we snuck off (despite the various rules set up for us -_-) to the back porch and ended up laying together for a few hours.
Despite how scandals that may sound, mother nature was not on my side this prom night and nothing too PG-13 happened, but we did talk a lot which is hard for me and as Chris just told me over chat, “our relationship progressed a lot last night.”
All I know is that of all the people at prom there is no one that I would rather spend time/ dance with/ be with/ kiss goodbye than Chris.
This is the best relationship I have ever been in and I’m so glad that I’ve finally grown up enough to realize that not only is loving another person ok, but so it loving myself. I don’t know how much longer I’ll have with Chris because I have to go to Florida and all that junk, but I’m going to enjoy the fuck out of the time we have.
I can’t think of a better way to have ended my high school career.
<3

Glee actually made me feel something Beautiful.

Wed, 23 May 2012 16:14:39 -0400

Glee actually made me feel something

Beautiful.

<3

Wed, 23 May 2012 16:13:21 -0400

This is beautiful.

Sun, 29 Apr 2012 23:24:00 -0400

This is beautiful.

;)

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 18:29:54 -0400

;)

My "Healing Heart" Cd

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 18:16:21 -0400

Do I listen to depressing songs? I feel like I love these songs already.

20somethincupcakeaddict:

A Fine Frenze - Almost Lover

I Don’t Need a Man - Pussycat Dolls

I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor

Papercut -Jordan Sparks

Today My Life Begins - Bruno Mars

Survivor - Destiny’s Child

So Yesterday - Hilary Duff

Not Big - Lily Allen

I Can Do Better - Avril Lavigne

Better in time - Leona Lewis

What Doesn’t Kill You - Kelly Clarkson

Satisfy - Vedera

a friend burned a couple of these songs for me 3 years ago. I just add to it. These songs helped me move on. Hopefully they can help you too.

I love pooh :)

Sun, 15 Apr 2012 20:36:45 -0400

I love pooh :)

:)

Tue, 20 Mar 2012 23:35:25 -0400

Hi.I haven’t posted about my life in a really long time.So much has changed. We got together.I...

Tue, 20 Mar 2012 22:58:00 -0400

Hi.
I haven’t posted about my life in a really long time.
So much has changed.
We got together.
I just want to say it a bunch of times.
We got together. We got together. We got together.
Everything is different with him. I know 100% that I’m not just with him because I want a boy. I know that I want to be with him. For the first time since the first time I feel like I genuinely like him. I have _hope_ that things might work out.
And that’s a whole new topic all by itself. You know what hope is? It’s a feeling. All the sudden my feelings came back so strong and so quickly I don’t even know what to do with myself.
For the first time since I switched to Herndon I’ve been feeling again and I’ve been able to give advice. It’s amazing. My best friend got into college and I was actually able to feel happy for her. Before I would have just gone through the motions. I would have told her that I was “so happy” for her and moved on. Now I actually FEEL so happy for her.
He makes me want to be better because for some crazy reason I think he actually likes me for me. He doesn’t want anything more which makes me want to be everything he deserves.
Every second with him is amazing and even though we only get to see each other on weekends, it’s ok because any time I can spend with him is more than I deserve.

For the first time in a long time… I’m happy :)

I WANT MY SPLITS!

Tue, 20 Mar 2012 22:49:34 -0400

ALSO <3 <3 <3 <3
just saying ;)

Soooo I guess I’m an ass hole. For Chairman’s we have to present in a group of three...

Sat, 10 Mar 2012 17:47:26 -0500

Soooo I guess I’m an ass hole.
For Chairman’s we have to present in a group of three and, against my will and better judgement, my brother was picked to be one of the three.
He never fucking shows up.
We have to present on the 30th (20 days from now) and he doesn’t give a flying fuck if we win or loose. He’s just trying to get out of doing the work that he’s been assigned the entire season.
akjhfgfkdjg
meh.
If it was anyone else they’d be gone, but I guess I have to give this dumb ass a second chance cause he’s my brother.
fuck him.

Notes

Thu, 08 Mar 2012 10:31:00 -0500

Notes

Photo

Wed, 07 Mar 2012 23:21:43 -0500